


Dream a Little Dream

by higayimdad



Series: Stray Kids oneshots [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Best Friends, Bittersweet, Developing Relationship, Don't think this qualifies as angst, First Kiss, Fluff, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, Hyunjin dreams of Felix, I'm obsessed with Felix's freckles, Jisung is mentioned once, LITERALLY, M/M, Time Skips, and so is Hyunjin, but - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:34:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28249962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/higayimdad/pseuds/higayimdad
Summary: Hyunjin is 5 when he begins to dream of a boy, his name is Felix. His smile is wide and he has constellations of stars painted on his cheeks. Hyunjin loves him, he's sure. The boy - Felix, visits him every night, and falling deep into sleep soon becomes his favorite part of the day.Hyunjin is 19 when he starts to suffer from insomnia.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Series: Stray Kids oneshots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756504
Comments: 4
Kudos: 82





	Dream a Little Dream

Dreaming was fascinating, Hyunjin always thought it was. Ever since he was young - and he actually started grasping the concept. He must have been one of few children who ran towards his bed as soon as the sun started setting. 

_“Brush your teeth, change into pyjamas and then you can sleep.”_ He repeated in his head, practically jumped up and down on the small stool by the sink in the bathroom. Hyunjin hadn’t grown tall enough to even remotely see his face in the mirror, his mother asked him if he wanted her to read for him before he went to sleep. 

_“I’m 6 now, you don’t have to do that.”_ Hyunjin posed with his hands on his hips, back straight and proud, like he had a cloak on his back waving in the wind. 

Hyunjin was indeed 6, but that wasn’t the reason he didn’t want his mother to read for him. He had just gotten exceptionally good at falling asleep in a blink of an eye. He had to be quick, someone was waiting for him there. 

It was always a bit different. The first time he met him was when Hyunjin was 5, it had taken a while for him to realize he was dreaming; walking around alone on the playground of kindergarten. He had wondered where everyone else was, the ones in his class, the teachers; if his mother would pick him up, come and find him. He ran around, tried to grasp the handle on the gate; but he couldn’t reach it. Tried to jump; just so he could see if anyone was waiting for him on the other side. 

“Are you okay?” Someone asked. 

  
Terrified, Hyunjin turned around. It was a young boy, he was slightly taller than Hyunjin; just by a margin. The black hair was fluffy and messy, the face was painted with freckles, so many Hyunjin couldn’t even begin to count them. He didn’t even know a number higher than 15, and the boy must have had freckles as many as at least...well whatever came after that. Hyunjin didn’t know who he was, had never seen him in his life. The boy took another step towards him, in turn Hyunjin took one backward. He wasn’t scared of _him_ , he was just scared in general. 

At least the boy looked nice. 

“I don’t know where my mom is.” Hyunjin sniffed, dried of tears that started rolling down his cheeks. 

“It’s okay. I think she should be back soon. What’s your name?” 

“Hyunjin. But my mom said I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.” 

“My name is Felix, see, now we aren’t strangers. We can talk now.” 

The corners of Hyunjin’s mouth pulled upwards, the tears didn’t spill as much. 

“Where is everyone else?” Hyunjin finally asked. 

“I- don’t know.” Felix looked a bit sad at that, Hyunjin suddenly felt bad. 

“Do you wanna play, until our moms come and get us?”

Felix looked up from the ground, nodded. Smiled shyly. They rode the slide together, both too scared to go by themself, and started building a castle in the sandbox. Felix tried to learn Hyunjin some song, but realized only minutes into the lesson that he didn’t really know the lyrics himself. 

In the middle of sculpting their, rather ugly, castle, Felix whipped his head up. Looked over at the gate, with a voice rather somber; he mumbled. “I think your mom is coming.” 

Hyunjin stood up, took a few steps towards it; but he hesitated, looked back at Felix. The freckled boy looked at him and smiled. 

“It’s okay, we’ll meet again. I’ll make sure to teach you the song next time.” 

“Promise?” 

“I promise!” Felix dried sand off of his hands. 

Hyunjin ran towards the gate, and when it finally opened he woke up. Back in his bedroom, walls painted bright orange, toys littered on the floor. His mother standing in the doorway telling him softly to wake up. 

He told her all about the dream over breakfast, about the freckled boy. She looked at him amused, seemed happy _he_ was so happy. 

When he was 7, she assumed Felix was entirely made up. An imaginary friend Hyunjin would forget about in just a few years. Hyunjin realized she probably had gotten a bit tired of listening to him talk about what they did in the dream he had that night. 

Always something a little bit different, but it was always Felix with endless freckles. It was always Felix with the wide smile and the wild black hair. Everything about him was comforting and familiar, even if Hyunjin happened to fall asleep and end up in the middle of nowhere- or in the cafeteria at school. When he found Felix there with him it was _always_ a joy to dream. 

“Here.” Felix reached into his pocket and pulled out a beaded bracelet, some pearls were see-through and blue, some were covered in glitter, some had letters on them. 

“I had to ask my mom to spell Hyunjin for me.” He said, waited for Hyunjin to hold up his arm so Felix could thread it on him. “It’s a friendship bracelet, because you are my best friend.” 

Felix looked content with himself, and Hyunjin spun the bracelet around his arm the entire dream. Felt every corner and inch of it, afraid he’d forget. In reality, he just knew that when he woke up it wouldn’t be on his wrist anymore. 

Hyunjin hugged him tight. 

Like he had thought, there wasn’t more than a shadow of the bracelet on his wrist when he woke up. Hyunjin walked around the entire day, trying to figure out if it was ever real to begin with. 

“Mom, can we buy pearls. I want to make a bracelet.” 

The next time he met Felix in a dream, this time in the park near Hyunjin’s house; he presented the bracelet to his friend. He had used every color he found pretty, wanted it to be as pretty as Felix. “I had to ask my mom to spell your name too.” Hyunjin said, gave Felix the bracelet

“You’re my best friend too.” 

By the time Hyunjin had turned 11, he stopped mentioning Felix. Not since he heard his mother and father whisper behind closed doors. 

_“I’m just a bit concerned. I’ve never known of someone who’s had a pretend friend for so long. It’s been years for god's sake.”_

He didn’t run into Felix every time he fell asleep, but whenever he looked around him in his dream and realized he was alone he knew Felix would come around the corner anytime. Always with the same beaming smile Hyunjin was used to, and the somewhat satisfied voice. Felix always seemed to look forward to seeing Hyunjin. _“Fancy seeing you here Hyunjin.”_ He’d say, and laugh; like it wasn’t a common occurrence to run into each other in his dreams. 

He always longed for Felix, every waking hour. Couldn’t get through his days without getting reminded of Felix somewhere along the way; whether it was walking past a park he remembered seeing Felix in once in a dream. Or if the bracelet he had worn for years, rainbow and with wonky letters, rattled on his wrist. 

“I like to dream,” Hyunjin said, today they were in Hyunjin’s house. It was empty, except for Felix of course. The boy’s hair was a bit shorter today, it didn’t cover his forehead as much, Hyunjin could now see the freckles reached all the way up to his hairline, even if they weren’t as densely packed. Not like they were on his cheeks. 

“Why?” Felix was busy braiding Hyunjin’s hair, it was too long, and his sister had taught him how - so he needed someone to practice on. 

“Because you are here. I like being with you.”

“I like being here with you too.” 

In his dream Felix wore the rainbow bracelet, just like the day he got it. Hyunjin wore the bracelet Felix had made for him. In his dream Felix braided Hyunjin’s hair, they laughed and played. 

It was just that; it was only in his dreams. Whenever he woke up, there wasn’t a trace of the freckled boy anywhere, there weren't any braids in his hair and the only bracelet he had was the one _he had made_. When he woke up it was almost a bit like Felix didn’t exist, and when Hyunjin accidentally thought of it; his heart beat faster than it normally did, and he felt a lump in the bottom of his stomach. 

Hyunjin turned 13, so did Felix. 

“A girl in my class asked me to the school dance.” Felix played with a stick on the ground. Today they were at the camping site Hyunjin and his family had gone to when he was 9 or 10. It was quiet, with the tall trees around them and the vacant camping cabins. 

Hyunjin huffed, poked the fire in front of them with a log. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so annoyed; didn’t even know if it was directed at Felix or not. 

“What did you say...to her?

“I- panicked so I said yes. She’s pretty I guess.” Felix said, Hyunjin looked up at him. Felix had cut his hair pretty short, it was shaved on the sides; longer on the top. still fluffy like it was when he was younger. The freckles were still like stars. 

“You like her?” He asked, but wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what Felix would say. 

“How do you know you like someone?” 

It was dark, Hyunjin couldn’t see much past them; he could have sworn the sun was still high on the sky when he stepped out of the cabin as the dream began; now it was pitch black. If it weren’t for the small camp fire in front of them, Hyunjin was convinced he wouldn’t have been able to see Felix opposite of him. 

“I don’t know. I’ve never liked anyone.” 

“Neither have I.” Felix answered. 

The fire grew a bit, Hyunjin didn’t know why. His heart beat a little faster. It could have been true that neither one of them had ever liked anyone; it could have also been so that they had only ever liked one other person. And it would never compare to that; so everything else felt a bit dull. 

It was maybe true that they really just liked each other, and no one else. 

But when you are 13 it’s confusing. 

When Hyunjin was 15, he had grown past Felix by a lot. If they both straightened their backs and stood face to face, the top of Felix’s head was barely by Hyunjin’s nose. 

“Well I haven’t finished growing yet!” Felix slapped Hyunjin, when he pointed it out. 

“You think I have?” Hyunjin laughed, adjusted the glasses on his nose. 

Hyunjin and Felix were in the city library, it was quiet; just the two of them. Hyunjin had thought of how different his dreams seemed to be when he got to spend them with Felix, versus when they happened to be; well, normal. 

Since he was young, dreams had fascinated him greatly; especially when he realized Felix visiting him wasn’t something people experienced. He read everything he could find out about dreams; what different things meant, what symbols represented and the hidden meaning behind _literally everything_ . He hoped he’d find an answer to why Felix just suddenly showed up one day in his dream, and why he _had_ been showing up every other night for the past 10 years. He wondered if he was an omen, or maybe a prophecy of some sort; a sign for something Hyunjin didn’t understand. 

The problem was just, Hyunjin couldn’t find any symbols or hidden meanings when he dreamt of Felix. If he didn’t know that Felix only ever showed up in his dreams he probably would have mistaken it for being real. It felt _so_ real. When he touched Felix’s hands, he really felt them. His voice was so clear Hyunjin could hear it ringing in his ears even when he was awake. His face was perfectly sculpted, like he was a greek god, it was the bright eyes and the wide smile, the thick lips and the sharp jawline. No - Hyunjin was sure Felix was too perfect to just be imagination, but still _too perfect_ to be _real_.

Sometimes when he didn’t dream of Felix, his imagination went completely wild. Whether it was being chased by human-sized rats or riding a rollercoaster like it was an airplane. Those dreams Hyunjin _understood_ , they were _normal_ dreams. He could interpret them, maybe even understand the symbolism of him losing teeth in class or going out in public without pants. 

But _not_ when he dreamt of Felix. It was like Hyunjin was rather remembering old memories. 

“Felix…?” 

“Mnn?” The freckled boy hummed, but continued to read the comic book in his hand. 

“Are you real?” Hyunjin turned to him. 

Felix seemed surprised. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Are you real Felix?” 

“Can you see me?” Felix asked. 

“Yes.” 

“Can you feel this?” He laid his hand on Hyunjin’s, Felix’s was so small compared to his. 

“Yes.” Hyunjin let his fingers interlock with Felix’s. 

“Can you hear my voice?” Felix sat up, leaning in so his lips hovered next to Hyunjin’s ear. 

Yes, Hyunjin could hear him, he felt his hand on his. He hummed as an answer, felt his voice was too weak to say another word. 

“Then I’m real. Aren’t I?” 

Hyunjin nodded. “Okay.” But he still didn’t feel convinced. 

The freckled one was still close. Very close. 

“I think I’m about to wake up.” Hyunjin said, he felt his face grow red. He wasn’t sure why, or he knew very well - and was embarrassed for that reason.

“Okay. Love you.” Felix said, sat back down in his chair and picked up his comic book. Hyunjin had forgotten about it, completely. 

“Love you too.” 

Hyunjin walked to the library entrance, before he opened the door he glanced back; saw Felix sit alone in his seat. Waving towards Hyunjin, miming _“see you later”._ He closed his eyes and walked through the door, when he opened them again he laid in his bed. 

Sometime after Felix’s 16th birthday he admitted a girl in his class had asked him to tutor her, and they had kissed, she had asked him to be his boyfriend, and Felix had said yes. In his own words - _“I’m not a single man anymore.”_

He did sound kind of proud when he said it, but other than that he felt indifferent. Hyunjin had never heard him show much interest in anyone; neither boys nor girls. 

“Fun.” Hyunjin answered, he tried not to sound so angry. Even if he was more upset than he cared to admit. 

The dream turned heavy, Hyunjin could feel it. Like it was turning into a nightmare, or a stress dream. Shivers sent up his spine, his hands turned clammy. Felix must have noticed too. He shot up from his seat. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah - Are you?” 

Felix nodded, stepped in closer to Hyunjin. 

They spent the rest of the night hand in hand, both were scared of something happening. Hyunjin’s dreams had always been a sort of escape from reality, where they could spend their time together without worry. None of them had experienced that _their_ dreams could turn scary or uncomfortable. Not when it was Felix and Hyunjin.

Hyunjin woke up, he grabbed his chest like it was gonna burst from his chest. 

Felix didn’t show up as often as Hyunjin was used to; going to bed wasn’t as fun as it used to be. Dreaming wasn’t the same, not even when he dreamt of Felix. 

It was mean. Hyunjin realized in hindsight that the reason he asked the guy in his class out on a date, and then another one, and then yet another one; wasn’t because he was _in love_ or anything. The guy was attractive and he was nice, but Hyunjin didn’t actually like him like that. Even if he had convinced himself he did for months. 

The two of them turned 17. Like the timing was miraculous, or just entirely hilarious. Two days after Hyunjin had broken up with the guy in his class, he met Felix in his dream; the smaller one fiddled with his fingers before he finally admitted. 

“Julia broke up with me, she didn’t think we fit with each other anymore.” 

“Are you sad?.” Hyunjin asked.

“No.” 

“I broke up with Jisung too. So you know.”

Felix looked at Hyunjin wide-eyed, opened his mouth multiple times as to say something. But nothing really came out. 

“Are _you_ sad?” He finally pushed out. 

“No,” Hyunjin answered, he wasn’t; never really liked him in that way anyway. If anything he just felt slightly lonely. 

Though none of them felt sad, Felix initiated a hug; wrapped his small hands around Hyunjin’s back. They were 17, Felix still hadn’t grown taller than Hyunjin; or close to it either. With Felix in his arms, the top of his head reached just to Hyunjin’s brow bone. Hyunjin let himself think about how perfect it was for forehead kisses. 

Hyunjin _couldn’t_ like the guy in his class or anyone for that matter. His mind was constantly occupied by Felix, even if he’d never tell anyone. He was afraid to admit it, but he was sure he would never like anyone but Felix. Maybe even love. 

“I wanna stay here with you forever.” Hyunjin mumbled into Felix’s hair. 

“I wish I could stay here forever.” Felix said back, merely breathing it against Hyunjin’s skin. 

Both he and Felix felt it coming, Hyunjin was waking up. His grasp around Felix loosened, without him wanting that. Their surroundings blurred and soon Hyunjin opened his eyes, only to find himself back in his bed. 

He had never been so adamant about tiring himself out during the day, never been so excited about falling asleep. He needed to see Felix, frankly didn’t know what to do if he wouldn’t. 

“Goodnight mom. Goodnight dad.” He mumbled, ran up the stairs, and disappeared before his parents could even utter _“It’s not even 9 PM.”_

Trying to force oneself to sleep, especially when full of emotions literally about to explode inside is not the easiest task. Hyunjin was sure he tossed and turned for hours before he finally became so tired he practically passed out. 

“Hyunjin!” A voice called, but it wasn’t just _any_ voice. Felix. Hyunjin turned his head around and looked over both his shoulders, trying to locate it. 

“Felix!” 

He came from behind, threw himself against Hyunjin’s back and wrapped his arms around him. “Took you long enough.” Felix snarled, but he wasn’t angry in any way - just teasing. “I'm sorry I couldn’t fall asleep.”

“You woke up in the middle of our conversation yesterday, I’ve been waiting all day to continue it.” 

Hyunjin gulped, turned around so he could at least face Felix. 

There was something about Felix. He felt like a summer day, not in the way his smile beamed like a sun (even if it did that too). No, he gave Hyunjin the same feeling as the first day of summer when he could finally leave the house without a jacket on, because the sun was just enough to keep him warm. Or it was like sitting down on a towel that’s been in the blazing sun for hours. Felix felt like the summer days of Hyunjin’s childhood when he spent hours just riding around his block on his bike. 

Felix felt like a summer day - but not just because he looked like the sun in the sky; but because Hyunjin felt the same sense of comfort and happiness. Like the sun was simply shining down on him from above. Or smiling at him from below. 

“Yeah I’m s-sorry about that too.” 

“It’s okay. You’re here now.” 

“Felix?”

“Mmn?” 

“Do you remember when we were 13 and you asked me if I knew how it felt when you liked someone? And I said no?”

“Rings a bell. Why?” Felix bit his lip and looked up at Hyunjin with his big eyes. Drove Hyunjin absolutely crazy. 

“I think I know now.” 

Felix nodded, it seemed he knew what Hyunjin was about to say, or do for that matter. They stood a few inches away from each other, hands fiddling with each other, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. They had known each other for over 10 years, _over a decade,_ they were best friends, they loved each other - quite a lot. Holding hands wasn’t something that they thought was weird. 

“You do?” 

“I think I like _you_ a lot. I really like a lot of things about you.”

“Uh-huh?” 

“Like your hair, I like that,” It was blond now, had started growing it out. “And your freckles, love them very much. Your eyes too, do you know how pretty they are? Your lips are thick, your top one doesn’t fold in like mine does when you smile. Your cupid's bow is so defined, looks like you are always puckering too.” Hyunjin swiped his thumb over Felix's lips, he felt his own ears burn - _he dared to do that?_ “ And your nose is small, it’s cute. I’ve probably never seen someone as beautiful as you. ” 

Felix huffed, pretended to be angry. But he was fighting back a smile. 

“I’m just a pretty face to you?” 

“No,” Hyunjin took a step closer, felt himself melt just from touching Felix. “You’re my best friend, so obviously you have _some_ likable aspects…you think I would have been friends with you for this long if you were even the slightest annoying?” Hyunjin couldn’t help but tease. 

“Mnn, so you like me?” 

Hyunjin sighed, closed his eyes.

“I really like you.” Hyunjin confessed. 

The freckled boy wrapped his arms around Hyunjin, locked them behind his neck. Rested his cheek on Hyunjin’s shoulder. Was _so_ close, he was about to merge _into_ Hyunjin. It was soft and comforting, and filled Hyunjin with warmth. Just like a summer day. 

“I think I really like you too.” Felix mumbled, Hyunjin thought Felix seemed embarrassed, he wouldn’t face him at all. 

“Felix!” Hyunjin grabbed his shoulder, put them at a distance; locked eyes with Felix. 

His face was indeed bright red, contrasting his light and blond hair quite a lot. Felix’s mouth was hanging agape- as if he wanted to say something but was paralyzed.

“I like you; so I’m gonna kiss you. May I?” Hyunjin asked.

“Ye-ah You-” The freckled one barely made a coherent sound, nodded as he mumbled out syllables and letters in no particular order. But Hyunjin was sure the answer to the question was _“yes”._

It was awkward and clumsy, like Hyunjin had never kissed anyone before. He even had the time to think _“oh god he’s gonna make fun of me forever.”_

But his lips crashed against Felix, Hyunjin could feel their teeth clash too; sent a weird kind of pain through his head. His hands were clammy on Felix's shoulders, and both of them stood just a second too long with their lips pressed together. Hyunjin felt his entire face burn when they parted. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Have you _ever_ kissed anyone?” Felix asked, stroked both Hyunjin’s cheeks with his hands. Hyunjin wanted to curse him, how could he be so calm _,_ he _seemed_ calm at least. Not even his hands were sweaty, Hyunjin thought he was gonna wake himself up by drowning in it. Did Felix ease up because Hyunjin was so nervous - because he messed up? 

“I have.”

“Are you sure? I’ll teach you if you want.”

Up to this point, Hyunjin had done his best playing cool - or at least pretending he had an amazing amount of confidence. It was all he could do, didn’t have a lot of other playing cards. But Felix drove him crazy, made him nervous, he felt so much around him. He couldn’t pretend that he was charmingly arrogant and confident when he was with Felix. Especially not when Felix was exactly all of that in the moment, while Hyunjin was the opposite. 

Felix brushed some hair out of Hyunjin’s face, black strands of hair previously covering his temples now stuck behind his ears. One hand found itself playing with the long hair growing in the back, while the other caressed his cheek. 

He leaned in close, ghosted against Hyunjin’s lips. 

“I like a lot of things about you too,” He whispered. “The way you sulk when I tease you. You _always_ pout because of it, it’s cute. I think the mole by your eye is beautiful and the way your eyes follow everything you find interesting, you see like right now, your eyes are on me,” Felix laughed, and Hyunjin couldn’t help but crack a smile. “There is so much I like about you I can’t even begin to describe it, it’s just everything from the bottom of your toes all the way…”

Felix kissed Hyunjin. It wasn’t rushed like it was when Hyunjin tried to do the same. It was light as a feather; just a simple peck on the lips. Hyunjin held his breath, didn’t even dare to talk when Felix parted. “...up here.” 

“You see,” Felix began, talked against Hyunjin’s lips. “If you wanna kiss someone, you don’t have to smack your head against them. You can just...lean in and kiss them. Like this.”

He kissed Hyunjin again, soft and careful. He had to tiptoe to reach properly, but Hyunjin found it endearing. He finally managed to relax, finally managed to slip his hands around Felix’s waist, let himself melt into the freckled one. Who still whispered nonsense in between kisses. 

“ _See,_ then you just-” Felix and Hyunjin’s lips crashed. “Go with the flow.” He breathed out.

Hyunjin couldn’t even pinpoint what else there was in his dream, whether he was just in a completely random place or if he was actually still in his bedroom. 

“Felix I’ve dreamt of this for years.” 

“No you haven’t, I’ve been here for all this time and you have _never_ kissed me like this before. Or at all.” 

He rolled his eyes and listened to Felix laugh. He hugged Felix tight, like he was afraid the smaller one would disappear, and Felix hugged back. Hyunjin listened to him giggle, felt his breathing. He heard Felix talk into his skin; “I can feel your heart go _thump thump thump_..” 

“I’m nervous.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I kissed you.” 

“It’s okay. I kissed you too.” Felix said, either to give Hyunjin some peace of mind; or to say _“I’m nervous too”_ without actually saying it. 

When Hyunjin was about to open his mouth again, he felt the familiar feeling of losing his grip around Felix, the familiar sight of whatever was around him growing blurrier, the heavy feeling in his body. 

Felix knew this too. Hyunjin was slowly waking up. The shorter one quickly stood on his toes, reached up to Hyunjin’s face and laid a peck on his lips. 

“I don’t want you to go. But-“ He began. “We just have to continue our conversation tomorrow. Okay?”

Hyunjin kissed him back, nodded. Before he knew it he was awake. The sun was peeking in through his blinds, his mother and father were in the kitchen scrambling around with pots and plates. 

He could still _feel_ Felix’s lips on his own. His entire face grew red just thinking about it. It happened. Was it a dream? Well...technically it was, but Hyunjin’s dreams weren’t like your average joe's, it may have happened in his dream - but it was real. However it now worked. 

Hyunjin was 18, he dreamt of a boy, his name was Felix. He had stars on his cheeks and a smile worth dying for. The boy visits him almost every night, and falling deep into sleep eventually becomes the favorite part of his day. Hyunjin loves him, he used to think- now he was sure. Felix loves him too; he tells Hyunjin that every night when they meet. 

Their relationship had always been up and down. Sometimes Hyunjin saw Felix every night, and sometimes it went a few days before he even caught a glimpse of him. They had known each other since Hyunjin was 5, and even if a small part of him was worried Felix was just a fragment of his imagination, he had never met anyone who he likes as much as Felix; who made him laugh as hard his him. Who made him feel like every moment of his life was like a warm summer day. 

Hyunjin had just turned 19, and there were just a few months left until Felix turned the same age. They were still happy, still loved each other. Hyunjin still wished he could be with Felix forever, wished he could bathe in his presence. 

“I know you are real Felix. I want to see you, outside of here.” 

Felix recoiled back, smiled half-heartedly “I don’t think that’s possible,” he confessed, and Hyunjin thought he seemed sincere. Felix _didn’t_ think it was possible. But whether it was because it was genuinely _impossible_ or if Felix meant it as “it’s not gonna happen” Hyunjin never figured out. 

Hyunjin was 19, and a lot of things happened. 

His mother fell sick, for a few months during spring. Terribly sick. Hyunjin spent most of his days at the hospital, and the rest of the time taking care of his father in the meantime. Sometimes it was cooking food for him, or it was just making sure the blanket was all the way up to his shoulders and the glasses rested on his nightstand instead of on his thin face. He rested by his mother’s side in the hospital, shooting prayers to whoever chose to listen to make her better. 

He didn’t sleep much, so when he dreamt; the time he spent in there was short. Though he often met Felix, they didn’t do much.

Felix let Hyunjin rest in his lap, he braided small braids into his hair which would disappear when he woke up. He sang songs he didn’t quite know the lyrics too with his raspy voice, it almost vibrated through his chest. 

Hyunjin looked at him from below, counted the freckles on the other one's face like they were stars in the sky. Waited for one of them to fall so he could wish for something. 

“You look tired,” Felix said, kissed his forehead. 

“I am.”

“I can go...I’ve heard you don’t sleep as well when you dream.” 

“That sounds fake. Besides I don’t want you to leave.” Hyunjin closed his eyes, searched for Felix’s hand with his own. “If anything, I want you to be with me all the time.” 

A smile spread on Felix's lips. He swooped any hair out of Hyunjin’s face, he hummed. 

“I’ll be with you until the end of the universe Hyunjin.” 

It felt like a warm summer day, his voice, the way Hyunjin’s name rolled off Felix's tongue like that, the careful touches of his fingers on Hyunjin’s forehead and scalp. Hyunjin sighed, took a deep breath and woke up. 

Though his mother got better, right before his first semester in college began, Hyunjin was still riddled with fear and trickling nightmares about losing her. Not to mention the added stress of going to classes, he didn’t go to college because he _really_ wanted it, nor was it the college of his dream; it was just another thing he had to do. Something that was expected of him. 

He couldn’t sleep, a new thing every night keeping him awake. If he slept, it was on the short fare on the bus; or for twenty minutes on the couch with a textbook in hand. 

When he slept, he didn’t dream. Almost never anymore; whether it was because he slept for so short amounts of time his body never fell into REM sleep; or because his body was so exhausted it was almost like it completely shut down whenever he fell asleep. 

“It feels like I’m dying when I’m asleep.” He confessed, he had set up an appointment with the school counselor. “There are so many things I miss, I want to fall asleep and dream again. I miss it so much.” Hyunjin continued, feeling himself shake from exhaustion. 

She asked him if he dreamt a lot as a kid. To which he replied he did, that he had dreamt frequently up until his mother's hospitalization. 

“I started dreaming less and less when she got sick. And I haven’t dreamt more than a handful of dreams since the end of summer.” 

“Did you ever dream of something special?” 

“I dream of this boy. Almost every time-” His breath hitched. Felix. He hadn’t seen him in long, Hyunjin tried to count on his fingers how long it had been. 

“Like a recurring dream?” She flipped the page in her notebook. 

“No. It’s always different, but he’s always there. You know, comforting me when I need it. It’s like he’s inviting himself into my dreams, or visiting them, he has for over a decade now.” 

“Is this...boy a friend of yours?” 

“I’ve never seen him in real life.”

The counselor looked slightly flabbergasted, like she had never heard of anything like it. Hyunjin got nervous, maybe there was a reason he had never told anyone about Felix. It should have stayed like that. 

Hyunjin and the counselor met a few more times, Hyunjin tried to avoid having to talk about Felix. If he could. 

“Here, bring this to the pharmacy around the corner. One per night, an hour before you go to sleep, they aren’t strong but they should help you relax.” She handed him a note, and waved him off. 

It was true, they _did_ help Hyunjin sleep; they didn’t help him dream though. 

He hadn’t dreamt in weeks. When passing the calendar hanging on his wall, he could remember the last time he did. 2 weeks after Felix’s birthday, that’s when he saw him last. The freckled one looked worried, hugged Hyunjin for a little bit longer, a little bit tighter. 

“I get so worried. Don’t make me wait so long until next time.” 

Hyunjin could still hear Felix’s words echo in his head. Though Hyunjin definitely had promised not to, there had never been such a big gap in between them seeing each other. 

“White noise...a glass of milk…” Hyunjin checked off the things written down on the piece of paper in his hand. He stared at the empty glass, down on his pale hands, on the calendar on his wall. The bottle of pills laid half full in his drawer; he was afraid of using them, afraid they were perhaps suppressing any chance of him dreaming at all. 

“Maybe tonight.” He whispered while he laid down, pulled the covers all the way up to his ears. Maybe tonight he’d finally fall asleep and dream. He closed his eyes, let himself be engulfed in darkness, he listened to his speaker spew various sounds of rain and low rumbling thunder, felt his body grow exhausted and his breath slower. Maybe tonight. 

“Hyunjin.” Someone breathed, grabbed his cheeks with cold hands and shaking fingers. His eyes were still closed, but he leaned into the touch; it was familiar. 

The sky was light blue, the clouds were scattered; they were located somewhere Hyunjin had never been. On a meadow, he saw mountains; mighty and great to his right and a yellow house in the distance to his left. It felt exactly like a summer day. 

Hyunjin’s hand tightened around the other one’s wrists. He kissed around the knuckles and the palms. Caught the familiar perfume on the inside of the other one's wrists, just below the rainbow bracelet he had worn for so many years now. 

“Felix.” 

The smaller boy’s arms encircled him, almost knocked him completely over. 

Warmth. A warm summer day like the one of his childhood.

“God you can’t disappear like this. I’ve waited for you every day.” Felix sniffed, placed a dainty kiss by Hyunjin’s jawline. It stopped there. 

“I’m sorry, I have had trouble sleeping.” 

“No, no, don’t apologize, I just missed you so much. It’s okay. You’re here now.” Felix pulled his face away from Hyunjin’s, smiled as big as he could; knew it would make Hyunjin feel better. 

It did too, the other one knew Hyunjin too well. “My sun. The stars on my night sky.” _My soulmate._

“I missed you too, so much it was unbearable. Is unbearable.” Hyunjin mumbled. Wanted to tell Felix again that he wanted to meet him for real, _needed_ to. Yet a part of him was terrified Felix would just confess. _“I only exist in your head, love.”_

Oh how cruel it would be. Hyunjin would rather pretend that Felix was out there somewhere, just a bit out of his reach. Couldn’t bear that _his_ soulmate didn’t exist. 

“I love you.” Felix reassured, rested his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder. Curled up on his lap. The sun was setting, turning whatever world around them orange, their shadows grew.

“I love you too.” 

“This is my grandparents' old house, we just use it as a summerhouse now though.” 

Felix lazily pointed at the house in the distance. Hyunjin nodded, the two laid down on the itchy grass; Hyunjin couldn’t figure out if it was uncomfortable or not. Maybe not as much when Felix was next to him at least. 

“Where is this?” 

“That’s a secret, maybe I’ll bring you here someday for you to see it.”

“That implies we will have to meet too.” 

“Maybe it does.” 

It was just a stone's throw away from being a promise, but it wasn’t quite. Hyunjin wanted it to be. 

Maybe it was. 

“Look at me.” Felix guided Hyunjin’s face so that he would face him. A strand of grass was stuck in his hair. Felix plucked it away. 

“Okay. I am.” 

“Do you remember my face when you wake up?” 

“I always do.” Hyunjin took an extra second to take in his features though. Just in case. 

“If I called out for you, would you recognize my voice?” 

“It would be all I could hear.” He listened to Felix’s dark voice travel in between them. 

“Would you still like me if I wasn’t just a dream of yours?” 

“You have never been just a dream to me.” 

Felix sat up on his elbows, leaned over Hyunjin. 

“You’re waking up. Don’t forget what I look like, listen to my voice. Remind yourself that I love you.” 

He kissed Hyunjin, almost like he was afraid it would be the last time. Before Hyunjin even had the chance to fill his lungs with air he heard Felix whisper so quiet he barely even caught it in between winds whirling, the bees buzzing and the birds chirping. 

“I’ll see you.”

The sun was fighting its way through Hyunjin’s blinds, his heart was beating like it was gonna shoot out of his chest. 

Maybe it was a promise, maybe it was not. 

Was it a promise?

It echoed in his mind, like it just bounced from one side of his brain to the other. _“I’ll see you.”_ Felix had in fact said it a hundred thousand times before, they always said it before, when Hyunjin still dreamt like it was something obvious. But this time, it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t the _“of course we will see each other tomorrow"_ he was so used to. 

Hyunjin didn’t even notice when he had written down _“I'll see you,”_ over and over again in his notebook. When he had stopped listening to the lecture, and his mind had strayed far away he wasn’t sure of. He was just playing faint memories of Felix in his mind. 

Of his face, the sharp chin and the toothy smile; the catlike eyes and the freckles painted like constellations on his cheeks. Hyunjin couldn’t forget about it. He tried to picture what it would sound like for Felix to call out for him; just to be sure he remembered the dark voice as it was. He comforted himself in the warmth of Felix whispering “I love you” to him. 

“Hyun-Hyunjin?”

3 days. Hyunjin still struggled with sleeping, was too nervous to dream and honestly battled with too many intrusive thoughts to fall asleep in the first place. Three days without Felix wasn’t something he wanted, frankly found it miserable. But considering the last gap was as big as multiple weeks; three days was just another drop in the ocean. 

He turned around; recognized the voice anywhere in the world. Whether the person it belonged to screamed it from the top of a building, or if he whispered it into a void. 

So many people, but Hyunjin was looking for a special someone. Did it come from in front of him? Or from the crowd of people behind him? He couldn’t push the name he wanted to call out past his lips. It felt impossible. 

There they were, a pair of big eyes light brown and innocent. Small hands helping him push past people, freckles shining so bright on his cheeks, almost like; well like the stars Hyunjin liked to compare them to. 

“Felix-Felix?” He dropped the half-empty cup of coffee on the ground. A woman next to him let out an annoyed grunt as a few splashes of it hit her jeans. 

He was real. 

The distance between them wasn’t more than a few feet. It wasn’t oceans, Felix wasn’t on the other side of the universe, nor was he just a fragment of Hyunjin’s dreams. He was _real._

Felix threw himself at Hyunjin, who lifted him off the ground. Spun them around until they were both dizzy. Tears must have been rolling down his cheeks, but he didn’t even see them until they hit the ground. _“Pinch yourself,”_ he told himself, he did; it hurt. Was it not a dream? _“Count your fingers.”_ He remembered, so he did. All 10 of them were there, not one more or one less. Everything around him made sense, it wasn’t a dream. 

It was real. 

“Felix?” He repeated, looked down at the smaller one hugging his neck. He sobbed, it broke Hyunjin’s heart. 

They stumbled into an alley, somehow still aware that their embrace in the middle of the sidewalk was an obstacle for the people around them. Who passed them with them maybe wondering if they were crazy, wondering if they could separate even for a second. Maybe they couldn’t. 

“Wha-what are. Are you? I can’t.” Hyunjin tried to talk, but he couldn’t even form a coherent thought in his head. 

“I’m sorry.” Felix mumbled into Hyunjin’s jacket, voice still lingering with tears. 

“Felix?” 

The shorter one looked up at him, eyes a bit bloodshot. 

“You are real.” Hyunjin said. 

“I’m...real.” 

Their lips met, it was true, it felt real. It _was_ real. When Hyunjin pulled away he could still feel Felix on them. Hyunjin imagined Felix braiding his hair like he did when he was bored, braids that would stay put this time. 

“I’ll explain- I’ll explain it all. I promise.” Felix gripped tight at Hyunjin’s shirt, like he would fall if he didn’t. Hyunjin wasn’t sure he could stand on his legs much longer either. 

“It’s okay. You- you are real. You are here. Tell me later, I don’t care.” 

It was well into November, but Hyunjin felt as if he was 10 years old, spending his last few days of summer on the beach not far from his childhood home. 

“Just, stay with me-” Hyunjin pleaded. Stroked Felix’s hair, was fascinated to really feel it underneath his fingers. 

“I’ll never leave you again.” 

Hyunjin was 19, he’d known Felix for a better part of his life. The boy had always been a part of his dreams, and much to his own misery it had never been more of that. Knowing he’d always meet him in his dreamscape always gave him a reason to fall asleep; knowing he would meet a boy with a smile as large as his heart, knowing he would meet someone who would whisper love confessions to him and him only. 

They were 19 when they met for the first time. Face to face so to say. 

They were 20 when Felix gave Hyunjin a silver ring to replace the worn out bracelets they had worn for so long. _“Promise to love me forever?”_ Felix asked, and Hyunjin promised.

For a long time Hyunjin dreamt of a boy, he had freckles on his cheeks like they were reflecting the stars in the sky, his name was Felix; honestly, the boy had so many small things Hyunjin adored, the freckles were just the tip of the iceberg. 

He no longer dreamt of Felix, there was no need. Felix was by his side now, letting Hyunjin rest in his lap while he himself braided small braids into the hair. Braids Hyunjin let be, finally content they were there even when he opened his eyes. The boy hushed him if he happened to wake up from a nightmare, or kissed his lips in the morning despite the not so fresh breath. Hyunjin liked to kiss his forehead, _perfect height_ , he liked to listen to Felix laugh, even if the boy had a raspy and dark voice - the laugh was melodic. 

“I love you,” Hyunjin breathed out. 

Felix had his limbs wrapped around Hyunjin, his cheek pressed against his chest. Hyunjin had never imagined him to be this clingy - not that it bothered him, no it was just yet another thing he _loved_ about Felix. 

“I love you too~” Felix cooed, giggled into the other one’s skin. Hyunjin rubbed circles into Felix’s back, smiled too; kissed the crown of his head. 

They fell asleep together, body parts entangled in each other and hearts beating in sync, though Hyunjin still somehow missed dreaming of Felix, he guessed it was okay, at least he would be there when he woke up. Felix would be with him forever, until the stars fell from the sky, to the end of the universe. 

Maybe even longer than that.   
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> rare pair rare pair rare pair!!! 🗣🗣🗣 hyunjin and felix!!! I want more of this!! 
> 
> is this a little bit of a mess, mayhaps, its been in my drafts for over a month or even two by now, but i finally finished it. I struggled with the ending a lot too but i hope yall think it tied together nicely hehe. also! do not! ask me about the logistics behind felix's dreamwalking, there is a reason it was never explained in the au (cough as in i dont fucking know lol cough), personally, imma just let yall imagine it however you want. is felix just a completely normal person who has a special little talent and just accidentally stumbles upon hyunjin on one of his adventures? or is he a holy divinity who perhaps found a soulmate on earth and decided to take it into his own hands to meet him? WHO KNOWS? i dont at least, anyway. also I'm very tired so if something happens to be incoherent,,,,,,,,,,,I’m sorry in advance
> 
> thank you so much for reading, as always, kudos and comments r greatly appreciated <3
> 
> happy holidays and stay safe!!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/hopeonmydick)


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